Surprise Me
by Rainbow Volcano
Summary: As an ice cream shop worker, Arthur is used to seeing excited young children happily visiting. But what he is not used to seeing is an excited man, attractive as they come, and around his age, happily visiting. The catch to this walking hunk of perfection? Obnoxiousness, idiocy, classic American pigheadedness, and his strange desire to be surprised. USUK Oneshot
Sometimes when you mix two odd flavors together, they make a new flavor-something better than either flavor alone.

Of course, this was the type of rubbish that Arthur's eccentric manager spouted at him every day as he stood behind the counter of La Vache Sucré: French Ice Cream and Delicacies. Or, as Arthur liked to call it, Sugar Cow. The store itself was clean and fresh, and despite being owned by an annoying French tosser, Arthur enjoyed working there. It didn't pay as well as a lawyer or policeman, but it was enough. And, though he would never admit it, he loved seeing the families and children that came in, and he loved putting smiles on their faces.

On this particular day, a late June afternoon, a strange fellow burst into the ice cream store with boisterous, glowing energy. He looked around, studied the children happily munching on their snacks, and smiled to himself. Arthur eyed him both with a healthy amount of cynicism and an alarming amount of interest. The stranger had messy blond hair, complete with a gravity-defying cowlick. Not particularly interesting. He sported a graphic tee shirt with blue jeans and a pair of glasses. Not particularly interesting. He had sharp blue eyes, an alluring and impossibly brilliant shade. Very interesting.

The stranger sauntered up to the counter, observing every nook and cranny of the store. He seemed to have a bit of a distant look in his eyes. Arthur cleared his throat, catching the stranger's attention.

"Welcome to La Vache Sucré. Is this your first time here, sir?" Arthur asked, hoping to get an explanation to the man's strange behavior. He chuckled to himself a bit before replying.

"Nah, I used to come here all the time when I was a kid. It's just crazy to think that in 10 years this place hasn't changed at all," he explained, with a hint of disappointment.

"Yes, the owner prides himself quite a bit on that fact. He's rather an old soul." _'And probably going senile,'_ Arthur added to himself.

"Too bad. I was hoping something in here would, I dunno…surprise me," the man admitted, shoving his hands into his pockets dejectedly. Arthur raised an eyebrow in curiosity.

"Surprise you?"

"I've tried every flavor on the menu. I've been to every ice cream shop in the city. I've tasted everything there is to taste, and now there's nothing new. It's getting kinda boring. And this is ice cream we're talking about!" he explained, sounding rather pompous. Arthur didn't like it.

"Well, there have been a few new flavors introduced rather recently, but…" Arthur trailed off. The flavors he had in mind were rather odd, and nearly no one ever bought them.

"New flavors? I'm in!"

"Are you certain, mister…?" Arthur paused as he asked the man's name.

"Alfred. And heck yeah I'm certain! Surprise me!"

More than slightly annoyed, Arthur tipped his visor to Alfred politely, and then scooped out Honey Jalapeño Pickle ice cream. He handed the cone to Alfred, trying to contain his mischievous delight. Alfred eyed the cone wearily as Arthur entered the amount into the cash register.

"Mr. Alfred? Is something wrong?" Arthur asked innocently. Alfred looked to him, almost unable to believe what he'd been given.

"Are you sure this is ice cream?" he asked, partially disgusted.

"Well, someone so well-versed in the subject, such as yourself, ought to be able to tell, don't you think?" Alfred blinked a few times in utter confusion.

"Oh, I get it. You were so eager to please me that you made up fake ice cream. Wow, how thoughtful!" Alfred reached into his pocket and pulled out a few crumpled bills, laying them on the counter. Arthur looked at him a moment, wondering if he was truly that dense. He decided, sadly, that Alfred was.

"Gotta say, I definitely wasn't expecting this. I'll have to come back tomorrow and see if you can do it again!" Alfred waved goodbye with his free hand and walked out of the shop. Arthur watched him go, both hoping that Alfred wouldn't come back, and hoping he would.

* * *

The next day, Alfred waltzed into the shop again, carrying his radiant grin and crisp blue eyes. Arthur immediately turned to look, but turned away so he wouldn't be caught staring. Was it his imagination, or was Alfred more attractive today than he was yesterday?

"Howdy, Arthur!" he greeted cheerfully. Arthur tipped his visor when a sudden thought occurred to him.

"How do you know my name? I didn't think I told you yesterday, did I?" Arthur asked, both curious and defensive. Alfred grinned and tapped his chest twice.

"Nametag."

Arthur blushed at his error, feeling stupid. He crossed his arms and glared at the ground.

"Right. Fine. Whatever." Alfred inspected the worker closely before reaching a conclusion:

"Dude. Did you forget that you wear a nametag?" Arthur whipped around to face Alfred angrily.

"No! Absolutely not! I-I, um… thought you couldn't read, that's all!" he attempted, hoping his cover was believable, though he knew it wasn't. He felt even more stupid.

"You thought I couldn't read? What do you think I have glasses for?" Alfred asked, tapping on his frames. Arthur turned away again, thoroughly embarrassed.

"Just…shut up! Do you want anything or not?"

"Hmm…" Alfred put his hand to his chin in thought before grinning. "Surprise me."

"Why am I not surprised?" Arthur asked dryly.

"Uh, 'cuz you're the one who's supposed to be surprising me. Duh."

"Nevermind. Dense twat," Arthur muttered, pinching the bridge of his nose. He scooped out Avocado and Mint ice cream, sloppily plopping it on the cone. He shoved it towards Alfred haphazardly. But when Alfred grabbed the cone and their hands touched, Arthur felt a jolt of electricity shoot through his body. He looked into Alfred's eyes for a brief moment before retracting his hand back and glancing out the side window.

"Enjoy your—actually, I'd rather you didn't," Arthur muttered bitingly. Alfred blinked at him a few times before he burst into laughter.

"You are one of a kind, Arthur. I'll see ya tomorrow."

* * *

"You're back again," Arthur noted, trying not to sound pleased. Alfred waved enthusiastically and bounded to the front counter.

"Hello again! Do I need to remind you this time that you're wearing a—"

"How about we drop the subject forever?" Arthur asked with a sickening sweetness. Alfred gulped and laughed nervously.

"Eheh, it's a deal." Arthur smirked to himself, pleased.

"So, what can I get you, annoying one?"

"Surprise me."

Arthur tipped his visor politely and scowled. That phrase was starting to get on his nerves. He scooped out the last of their eccentric flavors and hoped it would be enough to freak Alfred out: Lobster Siracha and Sour Cream. Arthur also made sure to make the scoop extra big.

Alfred didn't seem the least bit deterred this time though, and took a long, slow lick right in front of Arthur. He wasn't sure if it was supposed to be a challenge, sexy, or just plain repulsive, but it ended up being all three. Arthur made a grunt of disgust and blushed.

"Yup. That's what I say. Not the best flavor," Alfred noted disappointedly, pulling out a few more crumpled bills from his pocket.

"You don't seem all that shocked," Arthur stated, an underlying question in his voice.

"Nope. I'm not," Alfred admitted, walking over to the napkin dispenser. "Guess you're gonna have to try harder."

"Is that a challenge?" Arthur asked, matching Alfred's position on the other side of the counter. Arthur placed his hands on his hips, partially insulted and partially amused.

"Well, only if you think you can actually do it," Alfred answered. He stretched his arms in mock-boredom before giving Arthur a small, mischievous smile.

"Oh, you are on." Arthur cracked a few of his knuckles for good measure.

"Better bring your A-game tomorrow," Alfred commented as he casually walked out of the store.

* * *

For the next three months, Alfred came to the store daily without fail, always making sure he came during Arthur's shift. Every day Arthur asked what he wanted, and everyday Alfred responded with two words: Surprise me.

After Alfred had tried all the flavors and all of the double-scoop combinations, Arthur had to improvise in hopes of making a culinary shock. Arthur experimented with sizes, toppings, temperatures, cones, food dye, and even asked the manager to come up with an original flavor. But nothing seemed to ever surprise Alfred. Every day he complained that there wasn't that special something he needed.

Aside from his annoying predictableness, Arthur found himself growing more and more attracted to Alfred every day. He began to grow fond of all the things he'd originally written off as uninteresting, and often asked Alfred where his t-shirts were from. Many times, they were a reference to a video game that Arthur had never heard of, but sometimes they were a show he knew and loved very much. He liked when Alfred wore those shirts because that meant he'd stay a little longer. Some days Alfred would stay a long time anyways, and the two would watch the satisfied customers together for hours. Even though they bantered and argued all the time, Arthur couldn't help but love Alfred's company.

The summer was coming to a close however, and Arthur's ice-cream improvisation options were running low. He feared that when Alfred had tasted everything, he'd be done with visiting. And even if Arthur did manage to come up with more crazy combinations, would Alfred keep coming during the winter? And if he stopped, would he come back again next summer? These questions became increasingly dire as time went on; Arthur was growing more and more desperate.

Alfred walked in wearing a hoodie over his normal t-shirt since the wind was growing colder. Arthur brightened, but the quickly frowned to hide his joy. He also couldn't help thinking of all the possible bad changes the seasons might bring.

"Hey, Artie! Gettin' a little chilly outside," Alfred greeted. Arthur flinched a little from the nickname but didn't bother to correct him.

"Yes," he answered noncommittedly.

"Dude, are you all right?" Alfred asked, leaning an elbow on the front counter. Arthur blushed a bit and took a step back. "You didn't correct your nickname. Is something wrong?"

"Why don't you just ask for what you want to order already?" Arthur asked rhetorically, a hint of annoyance leaking into his voice.

"Well this is—"

"Surprising?" Arthur asked, raising an eyebrow hopefully.

"…Noteworthy," Alfred chose, refusing to give in. Arthur sighed playfully, but felt a bit of genuine sadness in his exhale as well.

"Hm."

"Dude, seriously, what's up with you today? You're usually a downer, but this is even more down than usual. Are you sick or something?" Alfred put his hand to Arthur's forehead. The sensation of Alfred's large, warm hand on his skin send shivers down Arthur's spine again, but he quickly pushed him away.

"Really, Alfred, I'll be fine. Your concern is touching, but not necessary," Arthur asserted, trying his best to be reassuring.

"Okay, if you say so…" Alfred trailed, looking to Arthur for the truth. He sighed.

"Well, if you must know, I… Nevermind."

"What is it? Tell me!" Alfred insisted. Arthur toyed with the end of his apron uniform, winding it nervously between his fingers.

"Well, it's just… it's almost autumn, and not really ice cream season, so… I was worried that you wouldn't visit anymore, that's all," he admitted, face on fire and glued to the floor. Alfred was taken aback at Arthur's genuine words, and blushed enough for Arthur to see it.

"Wow. I'm touched, man. I didn't know you cared so much!" Alfred breathed, letting out a nervous laugh to calm his frayed nerves. Relieved, Arthur met his eyes and smirked.

"Contrary to popular belief, I do in fact have feelings." Alfred laughed and decided to respond with his own genuine answer.

"Don't worry, Artie. As long as you're still working here, I'll still be coming! Come rain, come shine, come snow or sleet!" He placed a fisted arm over his chest as though he were an officer of the armed forces. Arthur relaxed considerably, and caught the pesky nickname. He always knew Alfred did it on purpose to annoy him, but lately he was beginning to think maybe Alfred did it in an affectionate sort of way.

"It's Arthur. What can I get you today, Mr. Persistent?" he asked, but he already knew the answer.

"Surprise me."

* * *

A week later, Arthur began noticing something strange about his customers. They seemed to be…obsessing over him. At first, he thought for sure it was just his pride jumping to conclusions, but the more the strange activities continued, the more he was inclined to believe them. For example, a kind old lady and her grandson were regulars, coming every Sunday for an after-church treat. Usually the woman sat by the window and knitted something, humming to herself, while the boy went outside and played. But recently Arthur caught her looking in his direction with a hint of _something_ in her eyes, as if she knew something he didn't.

And there was a group of high school girls that liked to come in every other Friday, sit in the corner and chat about all sorts of school events. But lately, they seemed to be timing their visits to when Alfred showed up and then taking an enormous amount of selfies. They always seemed to giggle incessantly whenever Alfred walked in, but they never looked at him, per say, just over in he and Arthur's general direction. And even the owner seemed to be overly giddy and suggestive, insinuating that Arthur had some kind of lover or something.

The whole situation seemed very foreign and strange to Arthur, but he wasn't blind. If he really pushed it, it almost felt like…everyone was rooting for him and Alfred. But that was absurd. Nonetheless, he couldn't help feeling a little bit excited.

Alfred walked in to the shop, and immediately the girls began giggling, the old woman began glancing, and the owner began innocently whistling while blatantly staring at the two of them. Maybe the whole shop rooting for the two of them wasn't such an outlandish thought after all.

"Welcome to Sugar Cow, Obnoxious Alfred," Arthur greeted happily. He then noticed Alfred's crippling melancholy. Where his killer smile would normally be, a troubling frown carved its way on his face.

"Heh, thanks." A moment of silence passed between the two of them. The restaurant held its breath.

"Listen, Arthur? I'm sorry, but I don't think I should be coming here anymore. It's just… there's all these rumors floating around about us, and I don't want to make things uncomfortable, so I thought maybe I shouldn't hang around here all the time. Just until they die down, y'know?" Alfred suggested, kicking the floor halfheartedly with his sneaker. So they restaurant people _were_ rooting for them! Just then, Arthur had a brilliant plan, and it was time to put it into action.

"I understand. What would you like to order today, sir?" Alfred smirked, his sadness fading a little.

"Surprise me."

So Arthur reached both arms out, grabbed Alfred by the collar, and kissed him. Alfred's eyes tripled in size, and brain all but stopped dead. The restaurant girls (along with the owner) squealed in delight and whipped out their phones, forgetting to pose for fake selfies and the old lady gave two big thumbs up.

After a few more tender moments, Arthur released him gently. He licked his lips and stared at Alfred with triumph. Alfred could say nothing, words utterly failing him, as he lost himself inside feelings of confusion, euphoria, and complete relief.

"That was, by far, the best thing you've ever served me," he finally said, breathless. "And surprising, I admit."

"How about another taste?"

* * *

 **Rainbow's Thought Volcano:** Yet again procrastinating on not only my other story, but also on homework. It's okay because writing helps me calm down and not stress out as much. At least that's what I tell myself. Sorry, Parent Traptalia fans! I'll be writing more soon(ish)!

This story was from an otp prompt on tumblr, and the instant I saw it I knew I absolutely had to write it. I hope you guys liked it!


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